Move over GTL, I got TKLP

There is one thing I truly hate about Korea. Something that bugs me almost daily, and something that I can not seem to escape... Laundry. Yes, I've been known to hate laundry my entire life. It most likely comes from the inner princess in me, who had her mother doing her laundry until she moved out. But even then when I had the occasional laundry duties I knew it wasn't my style. After I moved out at the ripe old age of 17, my hatred grew primarily from separating the colors and whites, but luckily I soon discovered that I truly do not care if my whites aren't white. I then moved on to crying over the folding/putting away process. What should be folded? Why do I have to match socks? Why are there 400 different types of hangers?

By the time I moved here there was no way to keep up with such fussing when I had bigger problems; The Korean Laundry Process, TKLP for short.

Where to begin? Let's start at the root of the problem, the simple cost of laundry detergent seems to be significantly larger than it was back home, on top of that I can't even read the labels to see what sort of product they're offering at such an obscene rate! By the time I take the 10lb bag of over priced white powder home I'm then faced with problem number two, reading the buttons on the machine. Being the diligent Korean learner that I am (ha!) I took out my dictionary and attempted to decode the 15 different buttons on my machine. Much to my dismay the dictionary was lacking in any type of "laundry machine to English" section so I said fuck it and decided to move onto phase two of TKLP and asked my director to help me.

She arrived ready to conquer her one task, then gave it a quizzical look, pressed random buttons and said "okay that's it." What she pressed? I don't know. So I went ahead and asked, "What did you press?"

"I don't know, just press this" she said. By doing so my clothes came out with the white clumps of detergent all over them and phase three of TKLP ensued. Now this phase was about as logical as the war in Iraq but fortunately had a much better outcome. I simply decided to press buttons in any random order and hope for the best. I was quite lucky and during my very first try I pressed one button three times and then the start button and I came out with the perfect result a mere 63 minutes later. Man I'm good.

I'm not finished, but there is a silver lining to this story. See, when the washing machine stops it doesn't mess around with an annoying beep. Oh no, the washing machines in TKLP have a lovely song that plays for a good minute after it's done. But secretly I think it's them telling you, for a very long time, GO HANG YOUR LAUNDRY NOW OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING TO LET IT SIT FOR THREE DAYS AND ACQUIRE THAT MILDEWY SMELL.

That brings me to Phase... Four? I don't know, I lost count in my pointless rambles. But let it be known that this phase, whatever the number may be, is the ultimate worst. This phase is the one that can make or break TKLP: Phase Hang Dry. As I've noted before, there have been a handful of times that my extreme hatred for hanging my clothes has hindered my abilities to do so, thus resulting in days passing and stinky clothes cumulating in a dingy wet washing machine. And finally when you decide that yes, YOU CAN hang your laundry it's too late. It needs another wash to clean the stank out. But, if you're lucky, and you've had a productive day, and you're not too tired you might just be able to hang it up, in the middle of your kitchen, amongst your dirty dishes and toaster oven before it becomes too late. Those are the days I pray for.

On to Phase Five, the waiting period. This can differ depending on the temperature, humidity, season, and general airiness of your hanging area. My current apartment is equipped with a built in outdoor balcony hanging rack. This may seem like the ideal place to hang your clothes, but once again TKLP has fooled us. There are a few cons to this location. Number one: it's not at all close to the washing machine, so carrying your wet, cold, wet, cold, did I mention wet and cold, clothes over there can be a hassle. The second problem with this location is it is connected to someones bedroom (currently mine) so if my roommate was in need of her clothes at an untimely hour she'll be shit out of luck. The third and most important issue with the balcony dryer is it's complete take over of a very nice, and smokable area. I know, I know, smoking is bad, and I almost always stick to doing it while drinking. But there are times, on a random Wednesday night when my roommate and I indulge on a cigarette on the balcony. But noooo, this can not be done if there are clothes hanging to dry because then we have to start all over with TKLP and that, my friends, is not worth the one cigarette. Not to mention the multiple health and economic effects of smoking, but I'll save that for a different post. Let's get back to the main problem here, the drying time. Those of you back in America take your dryer for granted. Are your clothes a bit wrinkly? Stick em in the dryer! Want to wear that cute outfit in a few hours? Wash and dry in less than two! In Korea, you have to plan your outfits at least a day in advance because it takes a minimum of 24 hours to dry.

After the drying phase is completed you are left with crusty, wrinkled versions of your clothes. You must then choose to iron your entire wardrobe or say, "Fuck it" and wear wrinkly clothes for the extent of your time in Korea. As you can imagine, I've been wrinkly since December 2009.

Next comes my original problem with laundry: hanging and folding. We all know the drill there. It's annoying, takes too long, etc etc. It's the same as America minus the space. I now have to fit my entire wardrobe in a closet that's about 3 feet wide with only two drawers for folding. It's only broken once but I feel after my shopping spree in Berlin I'll have to start searching for another method of clothing storage.

Finally, after putting everything away TKLP is done. But there are a few more laundry gripes I must express before finishing up. This involves the inability to rewear clothes. You know, if you wear some jeans one night, and they're not dirty, and it was only a few hours... You just can't do that here for two different reasons. Everywhere is smoky and in the summer the humidity will make you sweat within seconds of being outside. So TKLP is an unavoidable for anyone who cares about basic hygiene!

After careful consideration and this thorough analysis I have now placed TKLP among the top 10 things I hate to do, but have to do anyways. The first one of course is dealing with Maya, the angel of death, but coming in at a close second is TKLP. Soon to arrive on this list will probably be blogging because if you haven't noticed by now, I've run out of things to talk about. But, being the college graduate that I am, I've mastered the art of bull shitting. So until next time, be thankful for your dryer and all the soft wrinkle-less quick drying clothes it has provided you.